


arson but make it gay

by erenjaegersfakeleginjury



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, High School, Kinda, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter), Texting, therye all arsonists
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:21:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29177886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erenjaegersfakeleginjury/pseuds/erenjaegersfakeleginjury
Summary: texting au bc seggsy
Relationships: Feitan/Phinks (Hunter X Hunter), Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, Machi/Pakunoda, Pokkle/Ponzu (Hunter X Hunter), Uvogin | Ubogin/Shalnark
Comments: 97
Kudos: 82





	1. zaddy geronimo stilton

poggers: gon  
kurapisska: kurapika  
layoreo: leorio  
sk8ter bitch: killua  
sushi: zushi  
ghostbuster supreme: chrollo  
5 minute crafts: machi  
2016 as a person: hisoka  
uvogin: furry  
illumi: emo fuck  
alluka: alluka asf  
milluki: toe  
kalluto: little shit  
pock: pokkle  
bee simp: ponzu

anti-ging movement

kurapisska: someone change my name please  
kurapisska: im literally crying it hurts to open this gc

sk8ter bitch: cope lol

kurapisska: i’ll give you my dealer’s number

sk8ter bitch: i’ll consider it

layoreo: NO KILLUA DOMT DO KT

sk8ter bitch: SDFJHKSDJHK I WILL

poggers: KILLUA DONT YOU DARE

sk8ter bitch: nvm sorry kurapisska

layoreo: whipped

kurapisska: im crying right now. genuinely. i hope you know how much pain and suffering you’ve caused me killua. you’ve ruined me. i am nothing but a shell of my former self.

kurapisska: but yeah whipped

sk8ter bitch: IM NOT WGIPPED GON PKS CONFIRM

poggers: well you see… 

poggers changed sk8ter bitch’s name to whipped  
poggers removed whipped from admin

poggers: ITS TRUE IM SORRY 

whipped: SDFKJFSHDSJKH NO THIS CANT BE HSPPENING  
whipped: IM GONNA WAKE YP AND THIS IS ALL GONNA BE A NITHGMARE

kurapisska: feel the pain bitch

layoreo: anyways did you guys go to clas today or not

kurapisska: no comment

poggers: nah we skipped math is boring as fuck

whipped: GON YOU WEERENT SUPPOSED TO SAY ANYTHING

layoreo: besty youre failing math you cant just  
layoreo: skip it

poggers: stfu old man 

layoreo: NOT YOU TOO   
layoreo: i will throttle the next person who calls me that

kurapisska: old man 😔

layoreo: throttles you sexily

kurapisska: dodges throttle  
kurapisska: saving till marriage 😩😩

whipped: didnt you fuck that college kid at 7-11

kurapisska: shhhhh

layoreo: YOU FID WHAT??!?!?

kurapisska: ON GOD KILLUA YOU WERWNT SUPPOSED OT SAY ANYTHING

whipped: fuck  
whipped: so im assuming youre not gnna igve me your dealers number then

kurapisska: fuck no 

whipped: cries

kurapisska: laughs at you

layoreo: kurapika…

kurapisska: sweats nervously  
kurapisska: yeah??

layoreo: you fucking told me you quit

kurapisska: gtg

poggers: i just came back from jumping out of my window what happened??  
poggers: oh

whipped: why the fuck

kurapisska: i take back my gtg   
kurapisska: just saw gon jump out of his window??  
kurapisska: quorkay

layoreo: dont encourage gim please 

whipped: ^

kurapisska: change my name and ill consider it

poggers: yeah but about that  
poggers: only i have admin

kurapisska: goddamit

whipped: hEaRt BeEn BrOkE sO mAnY tImEs i i

kurapisska: stfu chat noir kinnie

whipped: you say that like its not a compliment

poggers: fair chat noir is like  
poggers: really sexy

whipped: is that…  
whipped: supposed to  
whipped: mean something

kurapisska: in your dreams 

whipped: noone asked you kurapisska

(private dms- kurapika and killua)

kurapika: you are so fucking gay i cant

killua: ah i see how it is  
killua: kurapika ‘please fuck me leorio you look so sexy rn’ is talking

kurapika: wym?  
kurapika: i get pussy daily  
kurapika: i'm the straightest person you’ll ever meet  
kurapika: inserts photo with a fish bc definitely cishet 😤✋

killua: tell that to your they/them pronouns  
killua: oh yeah and leorio

kurapika: you arent worthy of my time

killua: besty no :((

anti-ging movement

poggers: killua?  
poggers: kurapisska?

kurapisska: gon i swear

layoreo: fucking finally  
layoreo: where’ve you two been

whipped: just had some bonding time together 

kurapisska: remind me to mnanfiest for killua to have a shitty day tomrowow

whipped: mnanfiest

poggers: tomrowow

kurapisska: make that killua and gon

poggers: sobs

kurapisska: good

poggers: all my life dreams, gone

kurapisska: life dreams?  
kurapisska: like what catching frogs or smth

layoreo: stop bullying the child pika

whipped: g word

poggers: grass

kurapisska: geronimo stilton

layoreo: was about to say something but nothing can beat geronimo

kurapisska: stan my mans geronimo 

whipped: asf

seggsy arsonists + leorio

sk8ter bitch: geronimo stilton is hot as fuck

emo fuck: kiLLUA NO

kurapisska: KILLUA YES

5 minute crafts: i havent had enough caffeine for this

2016 as a person: zaddy geronimo 

emo fuck: fuck u hisoka  
emo fuck: betrayed by my own boyfriend 😔😔  
emo fuck: i wouldve never imagined

toe: wait since when are you guys dating and why wasnt i informed

little shit: maybe if you got of reddit for once and actually talked to people youd know

toe: i didnt come on her to be slandered

ghostbuster supreme: when are you not getting slandersd

kurapisska: youre talking  
kurapisska: hey remember in 7th grade when you would constantly bring your bible to school

2016 as a person: yeah amd i burned it :)

layoreo: PLS YOU WOULD CONSTANTLY LECTUER US ON WHY CUSSING WAS S SIN

ghostbuster supreme: STOP NO WE DONT TLAK AVOUT THAT PHASE

kurapisska: praise the lord 😩🙌

sushi: 7th grade chrollo is typing

ghostbuster supreme: JM SOBBING STOP

kurapisska: good  
kurapisska: cry  
kurapisska: and take a vidoe pls i wanna laugh at you 

ghostbuster supreme: im-

kurapisska: :)

ghostbuster supreme: the slander is unreal  
ghostbuster supreme: brb gonna go manifest you all away

emo fuck: isnt that supposed to be a sin 😍

layoreo: PLS IM-

kurapisska: illumi you have my respect

ghostbuster supreme: fuck off  
ghostbuster supreme: on god if any of you comment on the cussing

kurapisska: two sins at once  
kurapisska: chrollo im disappointed 

ghostbuster supreme: cries x2

sk8ter bitch: this is mroe entertaining than kikyo and zeno fighting pls

kurapisska: then**

layoreo: pika... im pretty sure its than

kurapisska: im  
kurapisska: theres no way

poggers: this is why you should go to class kurapika :)

kurapisska: stfu arson is more entertaining

ghostbuster supreme: im-

kurapisska: what is arson a sin too

ghostbuster supreme: fuck off

kurapisska: no 

layoreo: kurapika be nice

kurapisska: kay

sk8ter bitch: whos the whipped one dnow

kurapisska: still you 

kurapisska: :)


	2. platonic seggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this ones short asf bc im kinda supposed to be in school rn sorry shawtys

poggers: gon  
kurapisska: kurapika  
layoreo: leorio  
sk8ter bitch: killua  
sushi: zushi  
ghostbuster supreme: chrollo  
5 minute crafts: machi  
2016 as a person: hisoka  
uvogin: furry  
illumi: emo fuck  
alluka: alluka asf  
milluki: toe  
kalluto: little shit  
pock: pokkle  
bee simp: ponzu

seggsy arsonists + leorio

sushi: why the actual fuck was someone trying to throw a sandwich across the cafeteria  
sushi: it hit me 

kurapisska: who would do such a thing…  
kurapisska: disgraceful

sushi: it was you wasnt it

kurapisska: in my defense i was aiming for chrollo

ghostbuster supreme: sobs and stubs toe

sushi: bitch

poggers: corvette corvette

sushi: for your own safety i’ll pretend i didnt see that

sk8ter bitch: murders gon in cold blood /hj

poggers: cums

sk8ter bitch: wait-

poggers: dw shawty its platonic

sk8ter bitch: how the fuck-

kurapisska: makes out with you platonically

alluka asf: has sex platonically

emo fuck: aLLUKA NO

2016 as a person: dies in someones arms and kisses them in your last moments and wanting their face to be the last thing you ever see as they cry and beg you to stay alive except you just had a badass fight scene and had to die for the plot   
2016 as a person: platonically

emo fuck: i’ll kill you hisoka

2016 as a person: bet as long as its platonic😍😍

little shit: i hate you all

bee simp: thats not very platonic of you besty

little shit left the conversation

alluka asf: cries platonically

alluka asf added little shit to the conversation

layoreo: you didnt leave platonically 😔

little shit: god old man not you too

layoreo: fucking stop 

poggers: platonically

emo fuck: no

kurapisska: so when you throttled me sexily  
kurapisska: was that platonic too 😪

alluka asf: top 10 anime betrayals 

sk8ter bitch: shawtybae weren’t you platonically saving till marriage

kurapisska: nah thats chrollo

ghostbuster supreme: fuck off kurapisska

kurapisska: love thai neighbor 😍

poggers: THAI??  
poggers: FUCKING  
poggers: THAI

ghostbuster supreme: kurapika thats uh.. thats not

kurapisska: well of course you’d know if its correct or not

5 minute crafts: just came back from masturbating whats going on

poggers: did you masturbate

sk8ter bitch: gon no

poggers: platonically??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slightly inspired by a real conversation i had


	3. sexy assholes and 4'9 simps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love phinks x feitan w a passion so i had to do this sorry except im actually not sorry

poggers: gon  
kurapisska: kurapika  
layoreo: leorio  
sk8ter bitch: killua  
sushi: zushi  
ghostbuster supreme: chrollo  
5 minute crafts: machi  
2016 as a person: hisoka  
uvogin: furry  
illumi: emo fuck  
alluka: alluka asf  
milluki: toe  
kalluto: little shit  
pock: pokkle  
bee simp: ponzu  
big friendly giant: franklin  
karate kid: nobunaga  
shark: shalnark  
seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : phinks  
levi ackerman but shorter: feitan

seggsy arsonists + leorio

layoreo: who the actual fuck changed phinks name  
layoreo: i hate them with every fiber of my being

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : what about my name  
seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : oh

bee simp: PLSS I OWE MY LIFE TO WHOEVER DID THAT

little shit: HELP ME TOO

levi ackerman but shorter: just some weed will be okay

kurapisska: FEITAN WAS IT ACTUALLY YOU

levi ackerman: who else

sk8ter bitch: are you really  
sk8ter bitch: finally confessing to him??

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : wait what

levi ackerman but shorter: thanks killua now i have no choice but to do it

sk8ter bitch: thank me later shawtybae

emo fuck: since when do you say shawtybae

sk8ter bitch: since  
sk8ter bitch: now

little shit: sobs agressively

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : HELP IM SO CONFUSED WHAT

poggers: keep on being confused feitan finds that sexy

levi ackerman but shorter: stfu go back to eating grass or smth

poggers: tHAT WAS IN FIRST GRADE STOP

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : feitan whats happening

2016 as a person: couple goals

levi ackerman but shorter: well you see 

levi ackerman but shorter left the conversation

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : sobs 😔

alluka asf: dw he cant escape for long

alluka asf added levi ackerman but shorter to the conversation

alluka asf: if you dont do it yourself hisoka will

2016 as a person: smirks and slicks hair behind ear

levi ackerman but shorter: fuck you alluka

alluka asf: phinks**

ghostbuster supreme: feitan if you dont do it im gonna stop getting things off the top shelf for you

kurapisska: ugh whys chrollo here

sushi: PLS NOT YOU SHOWING UP AS SOON AS CHROLLO SAYS SMTH

kurapisska: ive got a 6th sense for assholes

ghostbuster supreme: why do you hate me so much 😪😪

kurapisska: youre the reason for my tragic anime backstory

layoreo: HELP IM CONVINCED IN SOME OTHER REALITU CHROLLO AND PIKA ARE LIKE MORTAL ENEIDMS

sushi: pika

poggers: pika

sk8ter bitch: pika

alluka asf: pika

layoreo: fuck off

kurapisska: nah dw leorio its seggsy

layoreo: im-

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : are we all just gonna forget about the feitan thing im still confused

levi ackerman but shorter: fuck you phinks

alluka asf: stop telling us about your wet dreams feitan

levi ackerman but shorter: im done  
levi ackerman but shorter: do whatever the hell you want hisoka im outta here

levi ackerman but shorter left the conversation

2016 as a person: that was a really bad idea but alr

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : hisoka youve been typing for a while…  
seggsy asshole: im getting kinda scared

5 minute crafts: you should be

poggers: i already know what hes gonna say but im fucking terrified

ghostbuster supreme: wait how do gon and alluka even know

sk8ter bitch: its painfully obvious  
sk8ter bitch: pretty much everyone knows  
sk8ter bitch: except phinks cause hes a dumbass

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : eat shit

alluka asf: gons cock**

sk8ter bitch: ALLUKA STOP

poggers: why are you so convinced we’re dating

kurapisska: we literally caught you two sleeping in the same bed

poggers: yeah but that was platonic

little shit: please dont fucking start this again

2016 as a person: anyways so phinks, feitan has fantasies of fucking you raw and hes hopelessly in love with you and all he wants is to kiss you passionately and sleep with you cause he actually has feelings apparently :)

alluka asf: this was a bad idea

sk8ter bitch: ^

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : wait actually

5 minute crafts: yeah

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : oh

(private dms - phinks and feitan)

feitan: what exactly did hisoka say

phinks: he said you wanted to fuck me raw

feitan: fucking hell

phinks: wait so  
phinks: you don't actually like me then

feitan: no i do

phinks: why didnt you tell me

feitan: i didnt know how youd react idk

phinks: shawty i like you too

feitan: ok

phinks: is that  
phinks: like  
phinks: all you have to say

feitan: yeah

phinks: oh  
phinks: okay then

(private dms - chrollo and phinks)

chrollo: besty what the fuck did you say to feitan

phinks: wdym

chrollo: he actually looks  
chrollo: happy???  
phinks: i just told him i liked him  
phinks: it didnt seem like he actually liked me back though

chrollo: phinks hes so fucking happy rn  
chrollo: i dont know how to deal with this  
chrollo: help

phinks: wait like really

chrollo: HE GIGGLED  
chrollo: HE FUCKING GIGGLED  
chrollo: SEND HELP PHINKS ITS THE FUCKIGN END OF THE WORLD

phinks: PLS WHY ARE YOU TWO EVEN TOGETHER RN

chrollo: i dunno he just showed up last night  
chrollo: ive learned not to question it  
chrollo: NO BUT SERIEOSLY LIKE WAHT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO RN  
chrollo: PHINKS GET YOUR SORRY ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW AND CALM HIM DOWN

phinks: im good thanks

chrollo: dont you wanna see your bf 😩😩

phinks: hes not my bf  
phinks: i dont think

chrollo: he showed emotion over you i think youve gotten to that point

phinks: i-  
phinks: i need time to process

chrollo: PROCESS LATER GET TF OVER HERE AND HELP ME DEAL WITH FEITAN

phinks: ask kurapika

chrollo: i didnt ask to be murdered besty

phinks: i dont know i think itd be good bonding time or smth

chrollo: top 10 anime betrayals 💔

(private dms - feitan and phinks)

phinks: chrollo said you showed emotion over me??

feitan: chrollo can go die

phinks: hot

feitan: …  
feitan: brb gonna go process

seggsy arsonists + leorio

alluka asf added levi ackerman but shorter

alluka asf: its cute that you think you can escape hell

poggers: youve all been awfully silent

layoreo: yeah im getting kinda scared

little shit: ^

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : hey asf

levi ackerman but shorter: yeah what he said

2016 as a person: again  
2016 as a person: couple goals

emo fuck: hisoka shut up before i do it myself

2016 as a person: kinky

emo fuck: …  
emo fuck: you know what fuck it come over

sk8ter bitch: gon can i go to your house

alluka asf: yeah same

little shit: ^

emo fuck: yeah you guys do that

2016 as a person: open your window shawty

5 minute crafts: im not even surprised

ghostbuster supreme: so  
ghostbuster supreme: how about that weather 

kurapisska: shut up chrollo

layoreo: kurapika…

kurapisska: sorry

poggers: go fuck already

kurapisska: in your dreams 

sk8ter bitch: more like yours

ghostbuster supreme: im-

kurapisska: just  
kurapisska: dont say anything  
kurapisska: ever again

ghostbuster supreme: cries

kurapisska: do it silently

sushi: god i hate you all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shitty chapter i know but im seggsy so its okay


	4. sharty like a melody in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tonpa sells laxatives like drugs

poggers: gon  
kurapisska: kurapika  
layoreo: leorio  
sk8ter bitch: killua  
sushi: zushi  
ghostbuster supreme: chrollo  
5 minute crafts: machi  
2016 as a person: hisoka  
furry: uvogin  
emo fuck: illumi  
alluka asf: alluka   
toe: milluki  
little shit: kalluto  
pock: pokkle  
bee simp: ponzu  
big friendly giant: franklin  
karate kid: nobunaga  
shark: shalnark  
seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : phinks  
levi ackerman but shorter: feitan  
shit fetish: tonpa

seggsy arsonists + leorio

sk8ter bitch: tonpa has a shart kink confirmed

emo fuck: what the fuck killua

sk8ter bitch: look at his name shawty

emo fuck: never call me shawty again 😍💕😇

little shit: SwEeT hOmE aLaBamA

sk8ter bitch: i chose to ignore that statement  
sk8ter bitch: no but rly who the fuck changed his name

poggers: since when was tonpa even on here 

alluka asf: yeaj hes not sexy or an arsonist 

shit fetish: hey kids want some juice 💔

layoreo: stfu you crusty ass diarrhea looking mofo

shit fetish: what do you have against me lAyOrEo

kurapisska: that one time in middle school you tried to give him laxatives before his presentation 

pock: that shit fetish is rly showing shawty

bee simp: sharty

pock: wh-

emo fuck: i genuinely hate it here

2016 as a person: shawty  
2016 as a person: the loml  
2016 as a person: the only one person i’d die for

emo fuck: hisoka stop right now

5 minute crafts: @shit fetish got any of those laxatives?

shit fetish: yeah asf why

5 minute crafts: its the next thing on my checklist of ways to shut hisoka up

2016 as a person: besty why :(((((((

shit fetish: well   
shit fetish: i can hook you up with some if you want  
shit fetish: bring the money and dont be late

kurapisska: tonpa really handing out laxatives like theyre drugs 😧😧

levi ackerman but shorter: i can already imagine them in a shady ass alleyway

5 minute crafts: shut your 4’9 ass up rn

ghostbuster supreme: stop slandering the platonic loml

little shit: just the word platonic is enough to bring back terrivbke memories

sushi: that conversation was so painful pls

furry: i wasnt even apart of it and it made me cry

kurapisska: wh-  
kurapisska: since when is uvogin here

toe: yeah he literally never talks

little shit: omg besty did you finally get off reddit xx

toe: stop the slandere

kurapisska: chr*llo stop inviting your weird ass friends on here

karate kid: hey asf

kurapisska: nO

ghostbuster supreme: no bc i know you didnt just censor my name

kurapisska: yeah i did what about it

pock: kurapika be nice

kurapisska: that only works when leorio does it shawtybae

layoreo: wait

poggers: i can already picture leorio going through a crisis rn

sk8ter bitch: no cause like same

2016 as a person: he just screamed into a pillow so id assume you guys are right

poggers: how do you-

2016 as a person: a MaGiCiAn NeVeR rEvEaLs HiS sEcReTs

little shit: hisoka you terrify even me

2016 as a person: were literally just working on a project together what  
2016 as a person: it pains me to assume you guys think id actually do smth creepy asf like that

kurapisska: cause like you literally would

emo fuck: hisoka youre into some weird shit can you blame us

alluka asf: yeah hes into you for one

emo fuck: on that happy note  
emo fuck: im gonna go smoke some weed machi youre coming with me

5 minute crafts: bet asf

poggers: machi showed up real quick

5 minute crafts: what can i say the weed is calling

emo fuck: im outside your house open the fuck up

toe: isnt this illegal or smth

sk8ter bitch: you hacking into walmarts security system is illegal too nbut noone mentions it

toe: fair

shit fetish: so does anyone want juice or not

layoreo: leave

shit fetish: hey im just tryna do some business here

kurapisska: im beating you up tomorrow

layoreo: yk what im not even gonna stop you

kurapisska: shawty youre gonna be coning w me wym

shit fetish: you guys forgot the /j

kurapisska: …  
kurapisska: /srs

shit fetish: runs 

kurapisska: 😍

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hc that illumi and machi smoke weed together and bitch abt hisoka


	5. alluka = evil in truest form

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> phinks x feitan is my new favorite thing to write help im-  
> sobs

poggers: gon  
kurapisska: kurapika  
senior citizen: leorio  
sk8ter bitch: killua  
sushi: zushi  
ugly ass mf: chrollo  
5 minute crafts: machi  
2016 as a person: hisoka  
furry: uvogin  
emo fuck: illumi  
alluka asf: alluka   
toe: milluki  
little shit: kalluto  
pock: pokkle  
bee simp: ponzu  
big friendly giant: franklin  
karate kid: nobunaga  
shark: shalnark  
seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : phinks  
levi ackerman but shorter: feitan  
shit fetish: tonpa

seggsy arsonists + leorio 

poggers: can we normalise not changing peoples names on here while everyone else is asleep

senior citizen: god who was it this time  
senior citizen: wait

ugly ass mf: it was kurapika wasnt it

kurapisska: whatever makes you say that

ugly ass mf: my name for one

kurapisska: karma for inviting your scary ass friends on here shawtybae

shark: PLS WERE NOT THAT SCARY

kurapisska: tell that to the call at 4 am 😨😨

karate kid: you,,,  
karate kid: you were on that

kurapisska: sadly  
kurapisska: you tainted my innocent soul

senior citizen: innocent?? 

kurapisska: shawty stop calling me out 

senior citizen: arent you the one who made my name this 😰

kurapisska: i would never

poggers: g word

bee simp: guardians of the galaxy

sushi: grappling hook

levi ackerman but shorter: give up on your dreams and die

furry: really living up to your top kin feitan 😍

levi ackerman but shorter: …  
levi ackerman but shorter: i hope you all die

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : cries

levi ackerman but shorter: not you phinks you can stay

sk8ter bitch: starting to miss days where all feitan did was pine over phinks

2016 as a person: shudders in hot pink high heels  
2016 as a person: pls that was a terrifying time

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : wh-

levi ackerman but shorter: you heard nothing  
levi ackerman but shorter: they said nothing  
levi ackerman but shorter: you were never here phinks

little shit: shawty youre 4’9 you arent that intimidating 

levi ackerman but shorter: arent you like 4’11

little shit: yeah but im 12 and youre in highschool besty 😍  
levi ackerman but shorter: slander 

bee simp: yeah that's the point

shit fetish: so who did change leorios name  
shit fetish: i'd give them free juice

senior citizen: shut up tonpa

kurapisska: ^

pock: ^^

furry: ^^^

5 minute crafts: ^^^^

emo fuck: ^^^^^

shit fetish: wow i feel so loved guys

levi ackerman but shorter: die

senior citizen: not you grouping t*npa w us 💔

poggers: PLS YOU CENSORING TONPA IM-

kurapisska: censor that pls gon its disgraceful to even look upon that name

levi ackerman but shorter: you guys can die less painful deaths

pock: im honored 😍

2016 as a person: but you still want me around right shawtybae

levi ackerman but shorter: im grouping you w tonpa

2016 as a person: sobs

emo fuck: sob harder

2016 as a person: kinky

levi ackerman but shorter: no  
levi ackerman but shorter left the conversation

alluka asf: besty no come back 😕😕

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* added levi ackerman but shorter to the conversation

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : feitan 😞😞

levi ackerman but shorter: no

levi ackerman but shorter left the conversation

alluka asf added levi ackerman but shorter to the conversation

alluka asf: shawtybae no :((

levi ackerman but shorter: …  
levi ackerman but shorter: fine

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : why do you listen to her but not me :(

levi ackerman but shorter: bc shes evil in its truest form

alluka asf: smirks and sips monster

levi ackerman but shorter: see

sk8ter bitch: PLS SHE LITERALLY CRIES WHEN I STEP ON SPIDERS WH-

alluka asf: tHEY HAVE FEELINGS KILLUA

kurapisska: no  
kurapisska: no no no  
kurapisska: i hate spiders  
kurapisska: this is why i never come over to your house alluka  
kurapisska: your ugly ass voldemort kinnie looking spider

alluka asf: dont slander sock

pock: s-  
pock: sock??

alluka asf: yeah i named him sock what about it

sushi: sobs  
sushi: what the fuck alluka

poggers: let me see sock

alluka asf: why should i do that

poggers: bc im segg c next question

alluka asf: let me think about it  
alluka asf: no

poggers: besty why :(

kurapisska: please for the love of anything good in this world dont send a picture of that thing on here

alluka asf: shakes ass and thinks about it

kurapisska: please alluka

alluka asf: hmmmmmm

senior citizen: alluka please i dont wanna deal with their ranting today

alluka asf: hmmmmmmmmmmm

levi ackerman but shorter: see  
levi ackerman but shorter: evil

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : yeah but  
seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : im your boyfriend

levi ackerman but shorter: wait really

2016 as a person: sips tea

pock: be quiet hisoka

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : oh i dunno i kinda assumed-  
seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : i mean if you dont want to thats fine

levi ackerman but shorter: no bc i want to really bad  
levi ackerman: i didnt know if you did

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : yeah i do

toe: mind taking this to pms

little shit: i will throttle you stfu 

levi ackerman but shorter: so like

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : yeah shawty?

levi ackerman: im outside your house i just cant reach the window

2016 as a person: PLS-

poggers: THE WINDOWEKJJHFKJHDF

5 minute crafts: anyways  
5 minute crafts: i was the one who changed leorios name

senior citizen: die

5 minute crafts: gladly

sushi: you all terrify me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also extremely shitty but im in class rn so can you blame me


	6. 4 am group sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hc that kurapika and machi are arsonists

poggers: gon  
kurapisska: kurapika  
senior citizen: leorio  
sk8ter bitch: killua  
sushi: zushi  
ugly ass mf: chrollo  
5 minute crafts: machi  
2016 as a person: hisoka  
furry: uvogin  
emo fuck: illumi  
alluka asf: alluka   
toe: milluki  
little shit: kalluto  
pock: pokkle  
bee simp: ponzu  
big friendly giant: franklin  
karate kid: nobunaga  
shark: shalnark  
seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : phinks  
levi ackerman but shorter: feitan  
shit fetish: tonpa

sushi: okok but i kinda wanna know what happened during the 4 am call

little shit: i dunno i was actually asleep unlike you insomniac bitches

poggers: i was x reader fics   
poggers: not unironically

kurapisska: im convinced chrollo reads x reader unironically

ugly ass mf: slander 💔

poggers: i came across fucking aged up dora x reader  
poggers: im not okay

sk8ter bitch: why does that even exist wh-

layoreo: the 4 am call was scary 

kurapisska: it was traumatizing

shark: you were on it too- 😨😨

kurapisska: we were together last night

alluka asf: oh really

kurapisska: stfu alluka

poggers: so what happened

ugly ass mf: please dont

kurapisska: im gonna do it  
kurapisska: just outta spite

ugly ass mf: kurapika please

kurapisska: smirks and shakes ass

karate kid: sobs  
karate kid: dont do it

sushi: alr which one of you commited murder

ugly ass mf: wh-

sushi: i refuse to believe its anything else

poggers: ^

sk8ter bitch: that or you all fucked each other at the same time

karate kid: uh

shark: well

levi ackerman but shorter: phinks you better not have been there

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : dw shawtybae i wasnt

levi ackerman but shorter: id throttle you if you were

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : could you  
seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : throttle me anyways  
levi aackerman but shorter: …  
levi ackerman but shorter: yes

little shit: HELP WASNT IT JUST LIKE A FEW DAYS AGO THAT FEITAN WAS PINING OVRE PHINSKS SILENTLY

levi ackerman but shorter: stfu no

alluka asf: silently??  
alluka asf: bitch please

levi ackerman but shorter: alluka i swear

alluka asf: i wont send the ss yet  
alluka asf: i need blackmail material

poggers: PLS WHY DO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT ALLUKAS TALKIGN ABOUT

alluka asf: bc gon… you were there???

poggers: oh yeah

sushi: quorkay  
sushi: no okay but can we back up a little

bee simp: yeah bc i just scrolled up and???  
bee simp: did you guys actually

karate kid: i plead the 5th

pock: im sobbing what

kurapisska: NO BC WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO IT ON CALL

furry: WE WERE DDRUNK STOP BULLYING US

kurapisska: uvogin i swear i will kill you one of these days

furry: shawty why

kurapisska: your moans are way too fucking loud

sk8ter bitch: PLS NO

emo fuck: WHUASFGTOEYGASFJFD

2016 as a person: you guys broke my bf  
2016 as a person: you should be ashamed off yourself

sk8ter bitch: tell that to the heels you stole

2016 as a person: they were on sale so it cancels out

emo fuck: hisoka no  
emo fuck: no it doesnt

2016 as a person: you stole my weed stfu 

toe: wh-

emo fuck: idk what you want me to say  
emo fuck: dont tell mom i guess??

2016 as a person: i mean honestly all you had to do was ask

emo fuck: i prefer having like  
emo fuck: the adrenaline rush 💕😏

2016 as a person: n,,, no

sk8ter bitch: couple goals asf 😩😩

poggers: killua… this could be us 😥

sk8ter bitch: come over shawty ive got some weed you can steal

alluka asf: and you two wonder why im convinced youre dating

emo fuck: KILLUA WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE WEED

sk8ter bitch: literally from you tf

emo fuck: well give it back 🙄🙄

sk8ter bitch: no??//??

sushi: i need therapy from you bitches

kurapisska: glad we could help with that shawty

5 minute crafts: kurapika meet me behind the school in 10 minutes

kurapisska: wh  
kurapisska: why

5 minute crafts: im in a bad mood and  
5 minute crafts: ive got matches and a lighter /srs

senior citizen: kurapika you better not

kurapisska: dw i wont   
kurapisska: sorry machi

(private dms - kurapika and machi)

kurapika: ill be there

machi: good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sobs


	7. arson at dairy queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ive been writing feitan x phinks non stop so i thought maybe i could develop on my other ships smirks

poggers: gon  
kurapisska: kurapika  
layoreo: leorio  
whipped: killua

anti-ging movement

poggers: okok

kurapisska: im scared

layoreo: ^

poggers: slander  
poggers: anyways  
poggers: so

whipped: no

poggers: i didnt even-

whipped: i know its gonna be either life threatening or just really fucking stupid so  
whipped: no

poggers: ok just   
poggers: hear me out

kurapisska: he already said no goddamn gon 🙄🙄

poggers: i was just gonna ask if we could get some food goddamn

whipped: thats not what you were gonna ask is it

poggers: no it wasnt 😨😨

kurapisska: elaborate-

poggers: i refuse

layoreo: thats ominous 😰

poggers: im aware

kurapisska: no but yeah can we please go eat  
kurapisska: ive had nothing in the past 2 days except monster

layoreo: pika wh  
layoreo: you need to eat thats so fucking unhealthy

kurapisska: and here you go with the whole i WaNnA bE a DoCtOr thing

layoreo: kurapika-

whipped: damn its been a while since leorio used their actual name

poggers: yeah el oh el im kinda scared

kurapisska: yk what forget it   
kurapisska: ill be fine  
kurapisska: im built different like that

layoreo: alr fine lets just go get food or smth

poggers: we could go to dairy queen??

kurapisska: we uh  
kurapisska: we cant do that

whipped: why shawty 😔

kurapisska: im banned from there

poggers: PLEAKJHFDWEUF

layoreo: WHATDI YUUO FO????/?//?/

kurapisska: oh em gee spelling 😍😍  
kurapisska: but basically i commited arson there

layoreo: WHSTFAIGHFDJ

poggers: you broke him

whipped: smh kurapisska cant believe you broke our dad 🙄🙄

poggers: cancelled 🙄🙄

kurapisska: #brocken #dhmu #depreshunn

layoreo: NO BUT WAIT  
layoreo: WHYT HE FUCK DID YOU COMMIT ARSON AT DAIRY QUEEN

kurapisska: i was drunk smh 

layoreo: IM-

poggers: well this is great and all but im really fucking hungry so kurapika get yourself unbanned from dairy queen rn pls 😀

kurapisska: i mean i cant just-  
kurapisska: actually no you know what youre right ive defied the laws of the earth before and ill do it again

whipped: you can achieve anything, all you have to do is try 💕😊😻

kurapisska: literally stfu

poggers: im convinced kurapika could die and one day just get sick of being dead and come back to life

whipped: wym thats literally canon

kurapisska: the fact that i probably would 💔

layoreo: IM SO??/@$%&^*^%%^6

kurapisska: omg shawty   
kurapisska: blushes

layoreo: PLEASEWOJHWKJAFDLJH

kurapisska: *does basic short yt girl thing when they see a football player*

poggers: ‘oh my gawd jacob stawp 😍😍😊😊’

whipped: ‘ahaha im so short 😜😜’

kurapisska: PLEASEHDSKJ

layoreo: no okay but like  
layoreo: can we double back to the fact that pika commited arson at dairy queen while drunk cause-

kurapisska: no  
kurapisska: no we cant

poggers: i want food 

kurapisska: cope.

poggers: literally sobs

whipped: i’ll get you some food gon

kurapisska: g word

layoreo: grasshoppers

poggers: gasoline

kurapisska: genocide

layoreo: nO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been updating so much help 💔


	8. brick universal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i decided to develop more on my other ships obviously so heres hisoillu asf
> 
> also brick is a major character in a chatfic im cowriting bc im sexy

hisoka: cumsock  
illumi: no

(2:34 am)

cumsock: HEY  
cumsock: HI  
cumsock: LITERALLY HEY

no: what do you want

cumsock: sobs

no: hot

cumsock: wh

no: i said what i said

cumsock: okok so

no: absolutely not

cumsock: i didnt even 😔

no: get tf over here and get high with me

cumsock: puts on stolen high heels  
cumsock: bet 😏

(10:01 am)

no: so

cumsock: well now im fucking worried

no: tf why

cumsock: you never text first

no: well im seggc so i can do whatever the fuck i want

cumsock: i mean i cant exactly argue w that so 😏

no: but anyways  
no: join my anti kikyo movement pls el oh el 😍

cumsock: oh god what'd she do

no: played dance monkey unironically

cumsock: PLEASAJKFHEW

no: NO BECAUSE WHEN I TELL YOU I WALKED INTO THE KITCHEN TO GET SOME FUCKING BREAKFAST LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND I WALK INTO HER FUCKING DANCING TO DANCE MONKEY IM NOT LYING   
no: YOU JUST CAN'T LIE ABOUT THIS SHIT

cumsock: isn't it like 2021 please-

no: its kikyo

cumsock: fair

no: this woman will be the death of me 😨

cumsock: wasnt i supposed to be the death of you shawtybae

no: you can share the spotlight geez hisoka smh 🙄🙄

cumsock: do you even know me illu  
cumsock: i cant share the spotlight for shit

no: figure it out

cumsock: top 10 anime betrayals

no: cope 😍

(7:53 pm)

cumsock: i just took the fattest shit

no: intriguing

cumsock: literally 😩

no: okay tonpa kinnie i see you 😍

cumsock: NO  
cumsock: PLEASE NO  
cumsock: ILL ACCEPT ANYTHING JUST NOT TONPA

no: smirks

cumsock: literally bursts into tears dramatically

no: on the topic of tonpa  
no: i walked in on him masturbating in the janitors closet yesterday

cumsock: wh  
cumsock: you

no: he moaned out ‘shit’  
no: it just fucking makes sense alr

cumsock: that mustve been so traumatizing

no: no bc the sight of that terrified me

cumsock: well if it terrified even you

no: yeah pretty much

cumsock: PLEASE WHY WAS HE DOING IT IN A JANITORS CLOSET

no: SAYS THE BITCH WHO MASTURBATED AT FUCKING MCDONALDS

cumsock: IM AN EXCEPTION I CAN MASTURBATE IF I WANT TO 

no: calm down w the superiority complex 

cumsock: literally sobs

no: hisoka kins light yagami confirmed

cumsock: this is a hate crime  
cumsock: im gonna go do smth really dumb bye asf shawty

no: dont die

cumsock: i make no promises

no: …  
no: fair

(12:23 am)

no: so the fuck did you do

cumsock: stole a huge ass plant

no: how in the name of literally anything do you manage to get away w shit like this

cumsock: im just built different idfk 😤

no: why do i put up with this  
no: why do i do this to myself

cumsock: shawtybae i think you meant to put that in that one long ass notes thing that you rant in

no: die

cumsock: im good thanks

(5:53 am)

cumsock: lowkey tempted to make a rope out of all the clothes i own and climb out the window and run away to a fucking trampoline park or smth

no: why the hell are you still awake

cumsock: i dunno why are you awake

no: insomnia

cumsock: same 😩

no: twins asf 😨

cumsock: #couplegoals 😍💕

(3:43 pm)

cumsock: just remembered we have school tomorow  
cumsock: literally sobs

no: i fucking hate it here

cumsock: what if we like ran away and lived in a cottage and never haf to woryr abt anuthgin else   
cumsock: /hj

no: i mean  
no: 😏  
no: /srs

cumsock: lets fucking do it

no: we could have a cat

cumsock: what would we name the cat

no: brick

cumsock: wh  
cumsock: why brick 😍

no: because  
no: i said so

cumsock: well i cant exactly argue w that

no: no tf you cant  
no: were naming the cat brick

cumsock: going to buy a cat rn

no: moans

cumsock: smirks

no: alr you better actually be buying a cat

cumsock: no bc i literally am 😥

no: good

cumsock: smirks x2

(4:32 pm)

cumsock: bought brick

no: get tf over here i need to meet my child

cumsock: alr alr im coming 😩

no: i can die happy now

cumsock: tf no dont die we still need to run away to that cottage

no: okay yeah ill die after

cumsock: maybe dont die

no: ill consider it

cumsock: thats good enough for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> brick is god all fucking hail brick


	9. platonic battle to the death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alluka and chrollo battle to the death

poggers: gon  
kurapisska: kurapika  
senior citizen: leorio  
sk8ter bitch: killua  
sushi: zushi  
ugly ass mf: chrollo  
5 minute crafts: machi  
2016 as a person: hisoka  
furry: uvogin  
emo fuck: illumi  
alluka asf: alluka   
toe: milluki  
little shit: kalluto  
pock: pokkle  
bee simp: ponzu  
big friendly giant: franklin  
karate kid: nobunaga  
shark: shalnark  
seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : phinks  
levi ackerman but shorter: feitan  
shit fetish: tonpa  
sobs in lesbian: pakunoda

seggsy arsonists + leorio

senior citizen: im done  
senior citizen: im so fucking done

kurapisska: shawty you good

senior citizen: why the fuck did i walk into tonpa jerking off on our science teachers desk??$%$%^%*^&^

emo fuck: PLEASE I WALKED IN ON HIM DOING IT IN THE JANITORS CLOSET ON FRIDAY

shit fetish: hey man that was confidential

senior citizen: shut up tonpa

kurapisska: ^

emo fuck: ^^

2016 as a person: ^^^

5 minute crafts: ^^^^

furry: ^^^^^

toe: ^^^^^^

poggers: ^^^^^^^

shit fetish: wow really feeling the love here guys

senior citizen: tonpa i am this fucking close to just burning your house down with you in it

sk8ter bitch: …

sk8ter bitch changed the conversation name to seggsy arsonists

senior citizen: oh fuck

kurapisska: its too late  
kurapisska: youve been initiated

2016 as a person: there is no escape

sobs in lesbian: please what

kurapisska: fucking hell chrollo

ugly ass mf: what el oh el

kurapisska: stop inviting your weird ass friends 😍😍

furry: slander

ugly ass mf: if you really didnt want us here youd remove me pussy ass bitch

kurapisska removed ugly ass mf from seggsy arsonists

kurapisska: try me bitch

poggers: PLEASE THEYA CATUALLY

sk8ter bitch: catually 😩

senior citizen: says the cat boy

sk8ter bitch: bursts into tears

sushi: i genuinely hate every single one of you

poggers: omg love you too shawty 😍💕

levi ackerman but shorter: add the platonic loml back please el em ay oh

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : smh feitan i thought youd be faithful 🙄🙄 /lh

levi ackerman but shorter: its platonic i swear

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : as long as its platonic 😍

little shit: please do not fucking do this again

alluka asf added ghostbuster supreme to the conversation

alluka asf: its fun asf watching you guys argue so

kurapisska: fuck you alluka

alluka: hard pass

ghostbuster supreme: wait feitan are we really platonic soulmates lol 

levi ackerman but shorter: asf 💕💕💕💓💓💖💖💖😍😍😍😘😘😘😜😜😜💜💜💜😻😻😻😩😩😩

ghostbuster supreme: kisses you /p

levi ackerman but shorter: kisses back harder /p

ghostbuster supreme: fights for dominance w you /p

levi ackerman but shorter: wins dominance and pushes you against a locker /p

alluka asf: i regret everything

little shit: god please no

2016 as a person: platonic threesome??

emo fuck: hisoka no

2016 as a person: nvm lol 😍

ghostbuster supreme: moans /p

levi ackerman but shorter: rips your clothes off and leaves hickeys all over your body /p

ghostbuster supreme: moans and gets harder /p

levi ackerman but shorter: throws you a condom and puts on one myself /p

ghostbuster supreme: puts it in while admiring your body /p

kurapisska: literally sobs   
kurapisska: what the fuck

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : just watches i guess

poggers: thats a valid kink 😍

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : PLEASE NO

levi ackerman but shorter: slams you against the locker and chokes you /p

ghostbuster supreme: tries to moan /p

levi ackerman but shorter: starts humping you /p

kurapisska: aaaand this is where we stop

alluka asf: yells at the top of my lungs and knocks you both out /p

senior citizen: all hail alluka i guess 🙄🛐

ghostbuster supreme: doesnt get knocked out bc im built different and summons tonpa to use his shit powers, uses shit powers to summon shit monsters that suffocate you in shit and piss

shit fetish: wait what

ghostbuster supreme: fuck off and go w it

alluka asf: cuts through shit monsters easily with huge ass axe and cute you in half

ghostbuster supreme: regenerates and takes your axe to cut you into millions of pieces and flushes you down the toilet

alluka asf: becomes one with the toilet and drowns you in toilet water

ghostbuster supreme: sucks up the toilet water and spits it all on you

poggers: nope no thats enough

kurapisska: ^

ghostbuster supreme: it was platonic so it doesnt really matter

sk8ter bitch: you never said it was platonic

alluka asf: everything is platonic unless stated otherwise

levi ackerman but shorter: phinks come fuck me unplatonically

seggsy asshole *moans cutely* : im omw

sushi: literally sobs  
sushi: what did i just witness

poggers: your eternal punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> el em ay oh sry


	10. self promo bc why tf not

THIS ISNT A CHAPTER SRY SHAWTYBAES BUT HERES A DISCORD SERVER PLS JOIN IT I NEED VALIDATION EL EM AY OH 

https://discord.gg/8M5759gA

ILL HAVE A CHAPTER UP TONIGHT I PROMISE


	11. gay genocide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i just had to make one of pouf meruem pitou and youpi sorry not sorry lol

peetoe: pitou  
shit-a-poo: shaiapouf  
ball sack: youpi  
god himself: meruem

moans in genocide 

ball sack: meruem  
ball sack: what the actual fuck

god himself: i did nothing 🙄🙄  
god himself: stop the false accusations oh em gee

shit-a-poo: im in tears  
shit-a-poo: youre the cause of my trauma /hj

peetoe: stop being a fucking theater kid pouf smh

shit-a-poo: cries while summoning piss monsters

ball sack: wow that piss kinks really showing there 😍

shit-a-poo: fine then 😪  
shit-a-poo: summons t*npa to use his shit monsters

god himself: have you been talking to chrollo recently lol

shit-a-poo: yeah 💔

ball sack: tsk i always knew he was a bad influence

god himself: i am very dissapointed in you young man 😰

shit-a-poo: hart: brocken 💔💔💔💔😪😪😪

peetoe: #brocken #emo #gacha #depreshunn #angzitee #dhmu #onlytherealonesknow 😢

god himself: youpi in 5th grade

ball sack: sTOP NO

shit-a-poo: nah youpi was more like the  
shit-a-poo: ‘theyre all the same 💔’ type

ball sack: literally sobs  
ball sack: the slander is unreal

peetoe: cope

shit-a-poo: no bc can we talk about why meruem changed our names to that

god himself: idk shawty i think its accurate 

ball sack: how tf are you gonna say im a ball sack

god himself: youre just built like one idfk

ball sack: feeling: slightly offended 🙄

peetoe: PLEASE FLASHBACKS TO VICTORIOUS

shit-a-poo: BYE THAT SHIT MADE ME CRINGE SO FUCKING HARD

god himself: dont lie pouf i know youve fantasiesed abt going to that fucking school

shit-a-poo: i would never smh 🙄🙄

peetoe: nods knowing full well i have a video of middle school pouf

shit-a-poo: i genuinely hate you with every fiber of my being

peetoe: that but make it shakespearean 

god himself: shakespear was a real one 😤✋

ball sack: pleasw what  
ball sack: fucking arent we all supposed to be in school rn

peetoe: fuck that el oh el

god himself: fucking didnt you climb out of the window at school and go back home last period 😕😕

ball sack: shhhhh

shit-a-poo: im busy

peetoe: doing??&$#$&(^*_*%&_#&(%$^(*%&#(

shit-a-poo: ominous shit 😟

god himself: practicing his monologue probably

shit-a-poo: die

god himself: smh pouf did you really just tell an immortal to die 😪  
god himself: i thought youd know better

shit-a-poo: damn sorry your majesty

god himself: thats better asf

shit-a-poo: please im not gonna be fucking calling you that

god himself: hmmm  
god himself: ill get you to do it somehow

shit-a-poo: tugs collar and sweats nervously

peetoe: yall pls i just walked by gon and he was fucking trying to throw a huge ass cactus at someone  
peetoe: im fucking sobbing what did i do wrong

ball sack: where the fuck did he get a cuctus

god himself: cuctus 😩

ball sack: stfu

peetoe: hisoka apparently

shit-a-poo: i genuinely hate this school

peetoe: hollywood arts is calling 😍

shit-a-poo: you see pitou this is why youre gonna be the first to go

peetoe: elaborate pls

shit-a-poo: no chance in hell

god himself: no bc i feel you this school is way too chaotic  
god himself: i hate it

peetoe: idk man tbh its funny watching people jump off roofs every now and then

ball sack: fair but after like the 5th time it gets annoying

god himself: i had t*npa try to sell laxatives to me yesterday 💔

shit-a-poo: PLEASE HE HANDS THAT SHIT OUT LIKE FUCKING DRUGS

peetou: maybe if they were drugs id actually buy them 😍

god himself: ^

shit-a-poo: ^^

ball sack: …  
ball sack: ^^^

god himself: anyways i bought the laxatives what should i do w them lol

peetoe: why tf would you-  
peetoe: but slip them in t*npas drink or smth

god himself: bringing a whole new meaning to taste of your own medicine i see you

shit-a-poo: no bc whyd you even buy them??

god himself: bitch they were only 5 dollars why tf not 

shit-a-poo: 5 dollars you couldve given to me maybe

god himself: shawtybae why would i give you 5 dollars

shit-a-poo: uhhh bc you owe me 5 dollars wh

god himself: OH FUCK  
god himself: I FORGOT

shit-a-poo: gimme my fucking money rn 😤

god himself: SHIT I SPENT IT ALL ON LAXATIVES  
god himself: UHHH

peetoe: pLEASWEUWGRU

shit-a-poo: taps foot impatientally

god himself: FUCK CAN I JUT GIVE YOU A BLOWJOB INSTEAD

shit-a-poo: yk what yeah that works

peetoe: WH

ball sack: i feel like im intruding on smth el oh el 😍

peetoe: whys he owe you 5 dollars anyways

shit-a-poo: he said i was too much of a pussy to masturbate in front of him  
shit-a-poo: was even willing to bet 5 dollars on it

god himself: yeah well obviously i was wrong now come over

shit-a-poo: im??? literally at school???

god himself: #lonly #brocken

shit-a-poo: no

god himself: yes 😩

peetoe: EAIT POUF ACTUALLY DID IT

shit-a-poo: why is that so hard to believe smh

peetoe: bitch youre a fucking theater kid everything you do is shocking

shit-a-poo: i was 11 💔

god himself: dont even try to lie you still are one

shit-a-poo: i despise you

god himself: sure 

ball sack: you guys are the reason for my villain origin story

peetoe: glad we could help w that 😍

shit-a-poo: maybe as a villain youd actually be hot 🙄

ball sack: god i hate you

god himself: oh em gee friendship goals 💕😍

peetoe: asf 😩

ball sack: im sobbing goodbye

ball sack left the conversation

peetoe added you pee to the conversation  
god himself changed you pee’s name to ball sack

peetoe: there is no escape 😨

shit-a-poo: shudders in my 56 inch high heels and agressively takes a bite out of salad

ball sack: i have  
ball sack: so many questions

shit-a-poo: yeah lets maybe keep it that way

peetoe: ^

ball sack: yk what thats fair

god himself: guys i just took the fattest shit

shit-a-poo: fucking wh

peetoe: and on that happy note i suddenly gtg bye 

ball sack: yeah same sry shawty

god himself: wow betrayal 💔

god himself: bye i guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised heres another chapter asf


	12. spank me daddy kachow 😩

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lighting mcqueen insspried by some of my platonic lovers asf

sk8ter bitch: killua  
poggers: gon

(4:04 am)

poggers: KILLUA

sk8ter bitch: fucking what  
sk8ter bitch: gon why are you still awake

poggers: bc why not ❗

sk8ter bitch: valid

poggers: anyways  
poggers: i figured out chrollos tt password

sk8ter bitch: PLEASE DID YOU ACTUALLY

poggers: YES AND I REGRET EVERYTHGVUN

sk8ter bitch: everythgvun 😩

poggers: STOP THIS IS SERIOUS  
poggers: HE HAD FICKING THIRST TRAPS IN HIS DRAFTS

sk8ter bitch: please thats embarassing for him

poggers: right im-  
poggers: and theyre so half assed pls

sk8ter bitch: ill give you chocolate tommorow if you post smth asf

poggers: shawty youre the one who likes chocolate not me  
poggers: fucking mello kinnie

sk8ter bitch: bitch please i aspire to be mello

poggers: yeah dont we all  
poggers: no but i cant post anything cause then jell figure it out

sk8ter bitch: ohhhh yeah fair

poggers: i need tos tya like  
poggers: inconspicuous  
poggers: pls did i use that word right

sk8ter bitch: yeah i think so??%$*&^(^$(^*#%

poggers: help im  
poggers: i dunno anymore 💔

sk8ter bitch: hart brake

poggers: ok lightning mcqueen i see you 😍

sk8ter bitch: im…  
sk8ter bitch: kachow motherfuckers i guess

poggers: please i saw a lightningh mcqueen spanking paddle on tiktok like an hour ago

sk8ter bitch: spank me daddy kachow 😩

poggers: ims car eed

sk8ter bitch: c,,, car??

poggers: PLEASE NO I WAS TYRNA SAY SCARED

sk8ter bitch: JM SONNGIN WH

poggers: YOU THINK IM NOT??????

sk8ter bitch: care to explain why that was on your fyp shawty

poggers: no thanks im good

sk8ter bitch: hc that you have a lightning mcqueen fanpage and you secretly worship me and tried to be sneaky abt it by calling me a lightning ncqueen kinnie

poggers: oh em gee bae howd you read my mind /p

sk8ter bitch: i cant even look at that /p anymore

poggers: disrespect smh

sk8ter bitch: ikik

poggers: you oughta be ashamed of yourslef  
poggers: shwkrs hwad disaprvilngly

sk8ter bitch: gon go tf to sleep

poggers: nevr

sk8ter bitch: you have to

poggers: why

sk8ter bitch: bc im god therefore i maket he rules

poggers: oh okay valid asf !  
poggers: but you gotta sleep too

sk8ter bitch: tf?? no??

poggers: wow the audactitty 😾

sk8ter bitch: aw das titty 

poggers: pLEASE WH

sk8ter bitch: idk 😕💔

poggers: reminds me of that one aot scene

sk8ter bitch: phat titty 😨

poggers: i love how you knew exactkly what it was

sk8ter bitch: great minds think alike shawty

poggers: asf !!

sk8ter bitch: petition to make you stop fucking saying asf

poggers: no asf 😕

sk8ter bitch: pain 💔

poggers: it is  
poggers: apart of hwo i am

sk8ter bitch: gon ‘asf’ freecss 

poggers: yehaa 

sk8ter bitch: im hungry asf pls

poggers: smh i made mac n cheese get tf over here

sk8ter bitch: gon its 4 in the-

poggers: yeah what abt it  
poggers: aunt mito doesnt give a fuck

sk8ter bitch: stan aunt mito hoenstly

poggers: aunt mito is simply superior idfk

sk8ter bitch: i refuse to believe wshes related ti your asshole of a dather

poggers: ging is no longer family lol  
poggers: i have unofficially renounced him bc im hot so i can

sk8ter bitch: yeah 😩🙌

poggers: anyways yeah come tf over

sk8ter bitch: okay bet  
sk8ter bitch: pLEASE IM TRYING NOT TO MAKE NOISE THIS IS SO FUCKING HARD

poggers: wow smh cant believe yu dont have nonja skills 🙄🙄

sk8ter bitch: well gon care to enlighten me abt your nonja skills

poggers: that is for me to know and for me to know onyl

sk8ter bitch: damn okay betrayal

poggers: where tf are you you little bitch

sk8ter bitch: im walking over rn

poggers: i dont fucking see you 💔

sk8ter bitch: stop rushing me im under enough stress already smh gon so insensitive /lh

poggers: sorry sorry

sk8ter bitch: okay you see me now or

poggers: asf !

sk8ter bitch: bet 😩

(7:32 am)

sk8ter bitch: that was some good ass mac n cheese

poggers: cums everywhere while moaning and fighting for dominance

sk8ter bitch: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chuckles and grins

**Author's Note:**

> pls read this i know its shitty but i have nothing better to do


End file.
